I Need To Find My Way Back To The Start

 June 12, 2011 (4:38 A.M.)

I'm currently listening to a song titled "Into Your Arms" by The Maine. I keep on listening to it over and over again, I don't know why.

Too early for me to write a blog huh? Well, I can't really sleep. I have been like this for days now. I don't sleep and eat much. Somehow I just got tired of eating. I only eat when I'm really hungry. Anyway, good morning! :) It's still dark here, but I bet the sun is about to come out anytime soon. And listening to a favorite song of mine while it comes out is just the perfect thing for me. Maybe I'll go outside later and say hi to the waking sun while I'm still listening to the same song.

I just realized that I have been awake ever since I have been trying to sleep hours ago. I have been thinking of something I have been trying to forget. For the record, I keep on saying to myself that I have already moved on about it and that I am now focused on where I am and what I am trying to pursue. I easily get nostalgic and remember every single memory like screenshots from a movie. People may see me smile a lot but if they can read my mind, my inner self wanted to cry.

If you reader, are getting curious of what kind of memory this is, you'll find out soon enough. Someday I'll have the guts to write everything---through fiction. For now all I could write about the memory is the set of fingerprints that it has left in my mind and in my heart.

I suddenly looked at the window. The sun is coming out. Another day to spend. I have a whole day ahead of me to try and forget everything again. Oh dear, if only I could just go to Corregidor today. It's the haven where I could clear my mind from everything. It's such a beautiful place. In spite of its tragic history in the Second World War with the dead bodies of Japanese, Filipino, and American soldiers, I still love everything about it. The best part of the trip would be the one when we turned off all our flashlights after we got out of Malinta Tunnel at night and just saw so many stars in a clear and cloudless sky. It's one of the best experiences that I have ever had.

The second would be watching the sunset overlooking the sea with the cannons and the ruins beside you. The third would be watching the sunrise with the wind blowing towards your face, making you want to fly to the sun and embrace it.

So how is this related to the real topic of this blog? I have reasons in putting those in order. Like the starry cloudless sky first mentioned, that's how special and wonderful the memory is to me. Its beauty and rarity could never be forgotten. Forgetting it would be like throwing precious diamonds in the trash bin. About the second one, the sunset for me would be the times when I try to go back to the scene with the stars. With me as the sunset, I try to replay or go back to that scene, forgetting that the bight that I am about to enter in would be different now from the one that I am expecting to see.

The last would be the sunrise. The sunrise for me would be the voice that whispers to my ear everytime I try to go back to the starry sky again. It reminds me to face the rising sun rather than what has already happened. I need to get back on my feet and walk forward.


The clear starry sky. It has a special place in my heart that will never make me forget how wonderful it was. But I cannot dwell in the past. God wants me to enjoy more sunrises than sunsets, just like what I had seen awhile ago.